I See A Little Fertilizer in Your Future

For My Little Bird

AMONG THE MANY questions I have never been asked is why there is a small crystal ball suspended from a rather grimy pink string hanging from the broken lamp that occupies a sizable section of my desk.
It is possibly the most useless piece of gardening equipage in my arsenal of gardening implements.
Equipage, by the way, and since I just double-checked with Encarta, means:  “The equipment and supplies needed for an undertaking, especially a military expedition.”
Which about sums up gardening tools, yes?
The crystal is supposed to sense the plant’s desires, the which way it wants to nestle into the pot or the earth. The “do I need water or not.”  The hunger for an 8-0-24 or 10-10-10 fertilizer.
All you need to do is hold the string (allowing enough string for it to dangle freely) with a weight suspended (I use a crystal since I happen to have such things handy, but anything with just enough heft to keep the string taut will do) between thumb and forefinger above whichever plant is troubling you.